Healing from cocaine addiction and the abuse of speed

G. Q. (34), Cologne (Germany)

At 17 years of age (1987), I met a boy who was a few years older than me. I had an entirely new circle of friends and as time went on became more and more rebellious and impolite to my mother. When I turned 18 I moved in with my friend. At the time I didn’t know that he took drugs and also sold them. I noticed that strange people who I didn’t know were continually going in and out and that he would always go into another room. When I would later go into that room it would smell very funny. I inquired with my friend and learned that he smoked hashish in a water-pipe and also sold it. I didn’t believe him but didn’t dare to speak to him about it again. A short time later when cleaning I found various little packets with white powder and little plastic bags with dark brown lumps in them. I confronted him and he confirmed to me that he sold drugs (hashish, Speed, cocaine, etc.) and also consumed them himself. My heart almost stood still but since I liked him so much I stayed with him.

One evening several people came by and began to smoke pot and sniff coke. I sat like a stone on the sofa and observed this activity without saying a word. These evenings occurred more often, and in the summer of 1988 I smoked hashish for the first time. It made me really sick and I didn’t touch the stuff again. Then a short time later I tried Speed, but that, too, was nothing for me because my nose burned very severely afterward. It wasn’t long before I tried cocaine. I found the feeling afterward to be cool because I suddenly became very talkative and was wide awake until dawn. With cocaine I noticed that I had the urge to take more and more and would become very restless when there wasn’t much more on hand. I took more and more cocaine and after a few weeks I was already consuming almost two grams a day. Since my friend was a dealer I didn’t have to pay anything for it. As time went on, however, he became more and more aggressive toward me and when something didn’t suit him he would give me a wallop. In time it went so far that he would really beat me up. But after awhile that didn’t bother me anymore because, after all, I had the cocaine. The next morning I would often be completely exhausted. In order to be able to do any work at all I would even have to consume the stuff at work (in the toilet). For more than six months I took about one-and-a-half to two grams of cocaine a day.

I felt caught and sank into self-pity

In the spring of 1989 I met a young woman at my workplace in retailing. While I was helping her she looked deep into my eyes. It was very unpleasant for me and I avoided her stare because I was afraid she would be able to see in my eyes that I was on drugs. Before she left she said to me, "If you have problems I know someone who can help you." I felt caught and somehow got rid of her. She then came almost daily to shop and gave me such a penetrating look every time. A few weeks later she invited me for a coffee. She began to ask me questions such as whether I believed in God, in spiritual healing and quite a bit more. I thought to myself, "She’s completely crazy. What does she want from me?" I don’t remember anymore exactly what I said but in any case she didn’t give up and told me that she went to a Circle of Friends and was healed from asthma there. I could also be helped there and could go there with her sometime. That was too much for me. I thought, "She’s got a screw loose". I stood up and she gave me her telephone number. First I wanted to throw it directly into the trashcan but then stuck it into my pocket.

During the next days it went very badly for me physically and also emotionally. I didn’t learn until much later that this young woman had absorbed the Heilstrom for me every day from then on. At home only squabbling, arguments and blows were on the agenda. It was all too much for me. I once again thought about how nice everything had been before I met this man and begun taking the drugs. I didn’t want any of that anymore and wanted to get a hold on my life again but I didn’t know how. I simply didn’t have the strength to separate from my friend--and where would I go anyway? I no longer had contact with my family and friends and felt very lonely and alone. I sank into self-pity and took cocaine almost around the clock. At some point my body gave out and I was in a really bad state.

I asked God for help from the bottom of my heart

I remembered the telephone number of the woman and called her up after hesitating for a long time. Coincidentally there was an introductory lecture on the teaching of Bruno Gröning that evening in March 1989 and I decided to go to it. On that day I took no cocaine for the first time. I had mixed feelings about what I heard there. A big picture of Bruno Gröning was hanging on the wall and I thought he looked strict but also somehow interesting. The people also seemed strange to me - so friendly and full of goodness. I began to sweat profusely although my body was ice cold. I felt very uncomfortable and wanted to leave. Yet something kept me in my seat. After the introduction I was given a booklet, a cassette and a picture of Bruno Gröning. At home I locked myself in the kitchen and listened to the introductory cassette. A feeling of calm, security and strength spread through me. I decided then to stop the drugs and for the first time since my childhood I asked God for help from the bottom of my heart. From that day on I took no more drugs. I went to the cmmunity hour every Wednesday and absorbed the healing energy and also absorbed the Heilstrom at home several times a day. I had no withdrawal symptoms of any kind. After about two months I had the courage to tell my friend I was moving out. He flew into a rage and threw me out of the flat. Although I was trembling all over I sensed deep within me that everything would be all right and that this was the right way for me. In the following weeks I lived with my girl friend. I established contact with my family again and also found a flat within a short time. I had a good grip on my life again.

I knew it wasn’t right

In March 1994 I met a man and fell in love with him. I didn’t have time for the community hours anymore and didn’t attend them anymore. After a while I found out that he was consuming speed and wanted to help him get away from it. That was unsuccessful and instead I began to consume speed myself in late 1994. Every few weeks I took about half a gram of speed, occasionally somewhat more. I knew it wasn’t right, however during that time I would forget all my worries. Our relationship broke up in late February 1997 but I kept on taking the stuff. My mother, who has also been in the Bruno Gröning Circle of Friends since 1989, absorbed the Heilstrom for me every day and requested help for me. Although she didn’t know I was taking drugs she did notice that I was in trouble.

I decided to stop the drugs once and for all

In the following weeks I often thought of the Circle of Friends and also absorbed the Heilstrom again. I sensed that I was being helped and decided in mid-1997 to stop the drugs once and for all. Although I wasn’t taking Speed any longer I strangely still had the taste of it in my mouth. I had it again a few times in the following weeks then was freed from it. I also had no withdrawal symptoms of any kind during this time. Years later I learned that all my old "friends" had in the meantime become dependent on heroin.

Since then I have taken no drugs of any kind and am also convinced that I will never do it. I am married, have a nine-year-old son and lead a harmonious family life. I regularly go to the Community Hours to fetch the energy I need for my life.

Psychologist's commentary:

This report impressively describes how Ms. Q received a spontaneous healing from cocaine addiction after the introduction to the teaching of Bruno Gröning. Through the regular intake of the Heilstrom she was mentally stable enough to separate herself from the destructive dependency on her partner. After five drug free years, she once again fell back into the old pattern, this time taking the amphetamine speed. Then for the second time she became drug free through the intake of Heilstrom. From a psychotherapeutic view the aforementioned spontaneous healing of cocaine addiction and abuse of speed is unusual and unexpected.
H. P., Psychologist